Vacation=Yay

Last weekend mom and dad dropped me off at a daycare center on the Upper East Side. For three whole days I got to spend time shooting the breeze with new friends. I played "whose tail is it?", "pull and growl", and "freeze tag" in the yard and indoors. The place was fabulous. I also got the full spa treatment after a tasty tranquilizer of course. I got a manicure, pedicure, bubble bath, and haircut. Unfortunately the hair on my legs are matted so they may have to be shaved the next time I go to the place.

Grrrrrrrrr

I hung out with my man Doodalooloo on Memorial Day and am still recovering. He sure knows how to wrestle. We rolled around on his living room floor for hours and hours.

Bathing Sucks

Morningside Park Dogrun Romp

There were more than a dozen dogs in the run today. At first, I felt a little intimidated. The other dogs seemed so cultured and worldly. They barked on and on about pied-a-terres in Southhampton and summers spent abroad. I stood by mom's legs for a while. I wish she'd left beer on the coffee table for me again. Liquid courage would've been helpful.

I loosened up eventually and ran up and down the stairs; gleefully chasing tennis balls, pigeons, and squirrels. Some of the other dogs started to run after me and eventually a game of tag ensued. I made lots of new friends and mom got to relax.

Hangin' at the Park

Whoooodeeeehoooooo

Mom had a rough day but right after her morning jog, she took me to the dogrun where I met a yorkie named Chuck and a cute little yippy broad whose name I shall not mention. We had a blast. Mom even had water for me so that I could stay out for over an hour. She looked really tired but she hung out with Chuck's mom, a really sweet woman who lives on the east side of Mt. Morris Park.

After the dogrun, mom took me to Queens to visit with Donna. Donna is doing much better these days and she asked mom to put me on her lap. Mom complied and Donna gave me a big hug and lots of kisses. Donna's really cool...and so is her mom. I could tell that my mom was glad to spend the day with me. She felt uneasy about having to drop me off at home before visiting her grandma in the Bronx.

When mom got home she took me for a nice long walk. We made it home as the sky opened up and released a light shower on our little Harlem village.

Back at the dogrun

So this morning mom accidentally slammed the door on my head. But I'm okay, I'm okay. I do have a little bruise under my right eye though. She panicked of course, picked me up, held me, and rubbed my belly for awhile. She cooed at me, etc. I wanted to tell her to just chill and that I really needed to go to the bathroom but I held it. I can't resist a good bellyrub.

We went to the dogrun. We haven't been there in over two weeks because of my surgery and I had a lot of pent up energy that needed to be released. There was a slow movin' little black pug in the dogrun with me. I taunted him. I mounted him to show him that I was the boss and then I smacked him in the face in an attempt to get him to run after me. Nothing worked. The poor fool's belly was weighing him down. Mom thought he was cute and reached down to pet him so I snarled at her.

Eventually little Mr. Pugsly and his owner left me all alone. I barked, I ran around an played with sticks, and I talked to other dogs as they walked by the dogrun. "Come on in and play with me." But no one came. Mom took me home where I napped and napped.

Please baby baby please baby baby please

Mom and pops left town this weekend and they thought I didn't know. I watched them packin' up their suitcases enviously. I grabbed mom's bikini top and ran through the apartment with it. "Y'all can't leave without me," I shouted.

They just stared at me as though I wasn't making any sense. Then pops grabbed me and shook me upside down until I lost hold of the top. He gave me a big, hug, a squeeze, and played our throw the puppy game with me as mom quickly dragged the luggage outside. He put the dang silencing collar on me that sprays me when I try to talk and ran out of the apartment. I was livid but I couldn't say a word without getting my snout squirted. Ugh. So I danced around to some trip hop that they left on for me before I fell asleep.

The sound of keys in the door roused me from my slumber and when the door opened it was Courtney. I ran towards her with glee and wagged my little tail stump so that she knew I remembered her. She looked like she had had a rough day so I played with her knees and when she bent down, I gave her a big kiss on the cheek. She smiled and pet me and rubbed my ears before putting on my leash and taking me over to her place. Human chicks can't resist me but I'm still having a hard time with the b***hes.

I spent the weekend with Courtney and her new man friend, Ray. That Saturday, they took me to the park where I got to sniff after hotties. Although I can no longer make babies, my equipment still works. I tried to whisper that to a cute rottweiler but she kissed her teeth and cut her eyes at me.

"Where you from?" she asked.

"Upstate," I replied as Courtney started pulling me away. "Yo baby, I walk this route every day...let's meet up."

"Puh-lease, you ain't hood enough for me," The Rottie said gruffly.

My ego was more than a little bruised. I lost the pep in my step and walked with my head hung low for the rest of the afternoon. I guess my accent still reeks of upstate even though I've been living here since last summer. As if there's anything wrong with being from upstate...shoot!

Courtney and Ray could tell I was upset so they took me back home fed me, played fetch with me, and rubbed my belly for hours, which took my mind off the rejection. Here's a picture of Ray tellin' me that one day I'll meet the right woman and that everything will be okay. They're the best sitters uptown!

I've Been Nipped

And so here I am, changed...a eunuch. I don't know how to feel but I sure do dig my meds. I'm feeling a bit loopy and I've been napping a lot. Mom cried in the doctor's office when the vet showed her what had been done and how to make sure that I heal. The vet and her assistant told mom to take me home and have a drink. "I've already had three beers," mom whimpered. I propped myself up on her knee and she scooped me up and held me in her lap. I gave her kisses and we cuddled. We've gone on two walks since yesterday's big fix and I can't wait to get back into that dogrun.

Foreboding

The climate of our apartment had changed. Mom and dad began speaking in hushed tones and sometimes mom had a weepy look on her face. I knew they were talkin' about me and my behavior. I was moody all the time, I couldn't stop myself from mounting big fleshy bitches in the dogrun indiscriminantly, and sometimes I bit.

Mom's nightly routine began to change. She began bringing me up into the bed for cuddles and whispering breathily, "I love, you, I love you, I love you," like a mad woman. I knew that my parents were about to commit the ultimate act of betrayal. I tried to clean up my act for a few days and I know mom and dad noticed. I even dragged my feet a bit around the apartment and moped. But I knew deep down inside what was to come.

Get Me a New Bed...Now!

This Land is Mine

After eating the loveseat, I decided that once again I had to prove to my geeky parents that this was no longer their apartment. Mom covered the loveseat with a blanket to hide my artistic montage. I can no longer get to the yummy poofy fiber that I liked to pull out of the couch and drag around the apartment when mom and dad have the audacity to leave me alone to go to work. One morning as they respectively got ready to start their day, I asserted my autonomy and climbed up onto the coffee table. I felt free for the first time in my life. Dad came out and hollared a curse at me but I didn't budge. My balls have dropped and my growl is deeper. I can reach table tops and desks and one day, I shall make it into mom and dad's bed. I am no longer a pup, I wanted to shout out to him, to mom and to the world. I am a DOG!

Ooooh, Snow

Earnin' My Keep

The holidays are over and now that mom's back at work, she and dad expect me to help out around the house. They say that I'm a big boy now, cuz my voice is deeper and so are my barks and howls. I can't believe it. No more lazying about on the couch while they slave away at work to bring home the bounty. I have to earn my keep now too and it looks as though the laundry is now my responsibility. At least I can do it in style with a sleek polyester scarf. Hey, how you doin'?

But I Don't Wanna Go Upstairs...

May I Use the Bathroom in Peace?

Excercise = Pain

Mom's been on some crazy excercise kick lately and she's been forcing me to comply. I tried to tell her that I just wanna hang out in the dogrun on 120th with my peops' but she ain't hearin' me. Every morning for the past five days she's been draggin' me to Central Park for 80's style jog mania. When I get tired, she jogs in place and waits for me to get movin' again. She can't stop, won't stop eh eh eh eh...and I'm dyin' over here. My hind legs ache and I'm hungry all the time now. I'm getting all skinny and she still looks the same.

Benched

Last week I got taken down by a dark gray pit bull in the dog run. I was sniffing after this hot young golden lab and he wasn’t having it. I tried to tell him, “My brutha, let her be the one to choose.” The moment I barked out the end of that statement, he pounced. I fought back as best I could. I wiggled beneath him and slid out from under him only to be dragged back to where he wanted me to be and pummeled again by his monstrous paws and hind legs.

My mom jumped into the mix and grabbed him by the collar. He hopped up, snarled at her and lunged at the arm that she had tried to save me with. She backed away with a look of sheer terror on her face. I tried to make my move but the heavy brute hopped on top of me again. Mom dukes yelled over and over again, “No, no, no, no,” until the pit owner realized that we weren’t playing and told the bully to get off of me. He complied but not before he spit in my face, snarled at me one more time and whispered “That bitch is mine, son.”

I’ve been shook ever since. I’m scared of tryna’ roll with the big dogs now. Moms took me to the dog run yesterday and of course there were two more pits there. I just played my position, yo, and stuck to darting from bench to bench every time they got too close. Underneath benches, yo, that’s the safest place to be.

I'm Feelin' Ornery

I'm tired of being locked away all day. I want out! I wanna run through the ice slicked streets of Harlem with the wind fiercely nipping at my coat. There's a hot Malamute that walks my strip and I'm tryna' holler at her. You know I love my women thick and sturdy and I am in the mood for some good lovin'. Grrrrrrr, I haven't been to the dog run in days!

Today mom didn't get home until almost 4pm. She ran in with shopping bags, dropped them and ran to my cell. She woudn't open it until I sat. I shook my booty and wagged my tail and whined but she could't have cared less. When I sat, she gave me a yummy treat, said "good boy" and slowly opened the gate.

She looked a bit peculiar, yo. Preoccupied. She was there but not. She had a strange far away look in her eyes that I've been noticing a lot more lately. Anyhow, I had to let her know what's what. I run this show. This is my house. You take me out to pee and poop when I need to pee and poop damnit! You need to be here more often to entertain me. I'm bored and lonely. As I pulled her down the steps towards the wide open world and crisp winter breeze, I could tell that she was finally starting to understand me.

Live from Prison and Beyond

They confined me to my little prison in the kitchen again today. But this time they put my crate in with me. I have to admit that yesterday, I got so scared when they were gone that I peed next to my food. I never pee anywhere near my food. I weeped and wailed as much as I could without getting squirted with citronella. Finally, Daddy came home and let me out. He played with me and gave me lots of treats but took up my food and didn't lay down anymore food until dinner time.

When I am free, my wee wee pads are usually in a nice litte cul de sac behind the dining table by a large bookcase. When I am locked away, they are only a few feet away from me by the refrigerator. Ick! But today wasn't so bad, especially since I had my crate. Whenever I got really lonely, I just crawled in and played with my toys or slept. When moms came home from work she said hello...and then she got changed and took me to a new wine shop called The Winery between 116th & 117th Street on 8th Avenue. She didn't ignore my presence, though she kept her distance.

She's staring at me right now and drinking a Mead as I type away. She put a little on her finger and gave me a taste and I must admit, it's spectacular. It's bursting with rich flavor (honey) but is not sweet at all. Moms loves her dry wine. Too bad her pocketbook fell on my poop as she kneeled down to pick the crap up when we were walking back from the wine store today. And yeah, people saw her drop the bag in my poop. She can be really embarassing at times but I love her.